


You Never Give Me Your Money

by Savageandwise



Category: Music RPF, Oasis (Band)
Genre: Explicit Language, Gallaghercest | Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher Incest, Implied Sexual Content, Just dialogue, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:21:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23246173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savageandwise/pseuds/Savageandwise
Summary: Have you ever paid for sex?No, I have not...-Matt Morgan and Noel Gallagher Q&A LADbible July, 2018Noel and Liam discuss sex for money.
Relationships: Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	You Never Give Me Your Money

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to this interview. 
> 
> https://youtu.be/qVFzDQXseVc
> 
> Incidentally super funny! And it struck me Noel was laughing an abnormally long time. I mean. It's not that funny... This fic was born I thought it was perfect for practicing dialogue. Enjoy and comment!
> 
> Thank you to Twinka for beta and encouragement! ♡

All I'm saying, yeah...all I'm saying is...is...is…

You're saying girls should be paying you. 

No. I'm saying, right? I'm saying why pay when they're throwing themselves at you.

I don't know. If it were something really special, like. Like those Thai birds who can stick razor blades…

But what would the point of that be? I mean. Don't you want to stick summat else up there? And like I said, you could do that without spending nowt and you'd know she probably wasn't faking it. 

She wouldn't be.

Who?

Wouldn't be faking nothing.

Who wouldn't?

The imaginary bird I've paid for sex, dickhead.

That's what you think but it's her job, right? You've paid her, right? So now you want your money's worth. And she's moaning: ah, ah Liam, your cock's too big. But she probably said the same thing to the bloke before you with the micro penis.

Course it's too big. Poor girl. It's likely to cripple her, innit?

Right. Sure. Anyway. Do you see what I'm getting at? So you might as well just get it for free.

So what you're saying is you've never paid? Never? Even on tour with Clint and them? Never? 

What? No. 

You know it counts if someone else paid, right? Like if someone got you a present. That was a prostitute and you done her. It counts.

It doesn't count.

It counts. 

Does not.

It fucking counts.

Does not.

Look. I don't give a fuck if you have, mate. All I'm saying is you're the one brought it up in the first place.

So?

So, either you done it but you're embarrassed or you haven't so you're curious. Nothing wrong with paying. Summat freeing about it, if you know what I mean.

I don't.

You don't?

Tell me what you mean.

You don't have to chat her up. You know what I mean? Buy her a dozen drinks. You know. You both know what's what. Cause like you said, it's her job. And you get to say how. And she don't get to change her mind. Cause it's paid for—lock, stock and barrel.

I get to say how?

How you want her, you know.

What if it's not a...you know...not a her?

Not a...is that so? Thought you never, ever, ever, ever had a bloke except for...

That is correct. So, this is imaginary, right? So I want this imaginary fella, yeah? How much?

Imaginary...It depends on what you want from said imaginary fella. Like, nothing funny like...you know...shitting on me or…

Shitting on you!? Are you being serious? 

Yes, I fucking am. Who knows what you might fancy if you're paying for it. 

Well, I'm not defecating on me own brother...or anyone...

Glad to hear it.

Good we cleared that up. Is there anything else? Have you got rules? 

Rules, like...no shitting on me...right? No...erm...no...no...putting anything on me hair...if you need to hit me or summat, nowhere near my face...no...objects.

Objects? What about sex toys?

What's wrong with the regular way?

I can have the regular way for free.

Right...no...I reckon that's all and all...

Right, so name your price. What are you asking for? How much will this set me back?

Pardon?

How much for your skinny arse? 

...I'm thinking…give me a minute...

Don't be all day about it or I'll go elsewhere with my business.

You won't. Where else you gonna find a prime piece of arse like me?

Prime piece of...you're ten a penny! 

You want it. You know you do…fucking…You're fucking...

I'll fucking live.

...fucking gagging for it…

Oh, shut up, for Christ's sake!

Now, now...manners.

The price, Liam...

Hmm...so you know you said you're singing some, right? You're singing some of them tunes? I get "Wonderwall".

What?!

"Wonderwall". That's the price. Take it or leave it, man.

No. No deal. You can't have it. I'll go wank in the shower, that'll do me.

No, it won't. You'll be back. And when you are, I'll be here. Ready to sing "Wonderwall" like the fucking rock and roll star I am.

This is my room, actually. I'll have you know.

Is it? Well, I'll just wait here until your balls are blue enough. Won't be long now.

What are you doing now?

Giving you some...what's it...what's it called...you know...incentive…

Mmm.

Yeah? You like that spot, don't you? You do.

Can I kiss you, too? Are there rules?

Course you can kiss me. Who d'you take me for? Julia Roberts?

Like that?

Yeah.

Like that?

Yeah...

How much is that?

That's for free. New customer, you know.

Dickhead.

Name calling is extra.

Liam.

What?

Liam.

What is it? 

Take your clothes off.

So you're saying the deal is on? "Wonderwall" in exchange for the absolute perfection that is myself. 

I'd hardly call you perfection. You're dead lazy, you talk too much and you're fucking gagging and getting your slobber all over the place like a fucking dog whenever you suck me off…

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're on?

Yes. We're on. Yes. But I'm in the driver's seat, yeah? I'm in control.

You can't fucking drive and all…

I'm in control!

Heil Hitler!

Cunt.

Hey! Keep it up I'm on "Don't Look Back in Anger", too. You know what I mean?

Primadonna. Now what?

You know...stuck. 

Come here. You're fucking hopeless. A real professional would do a little dance...a...you know...a strip tease…

Thought you never paid for it. Liar.

I've seen films.

Films. Right. Liar...Aren't you getting undressed? You've still got your fucking shoes on...

Not yet. Lie down. On your back. Spread your legs.

It's getting cold like this. I'll catch my fucking death. You coming or what?

Shut up.

What're you doing? Painting me fucking portrait? 

Will you shut up?

It's against the rules to be rude to me, you cunt. 

No, it's not. You said no shitting and no objects. Never said nothing about…What the fuck do you think you're doing? Did I tell you you could do that? Stop it.

Go ahead and stop me.

Will you just...Stop…

Fuck.

Yeah. No...no…I'm in charge here you said...I call the…

Mmm...mmm...Take something off for fuck's sake!

Just fucking relax...

Come on. Come on. That as well...and that...just...

No.

...take it all off...

No…

If you don't stop saying no, I'm gonna fucking…

Christ.

You're alright...Yeah…

What're you...?

What d'you think? Isn't this what you're paying for? Do you want to stop? Go on and do it.

Oh, Lord...

Shh…that's good...Do you want to stop?

Ah, Liam...

Yeah. Go on. 

You…

I know...go on, that's good.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Come on. Come on. Stop...You can still stop...

Oh, fuck no...

That's what I thought.

No…Oh...oh...oh.

Yeah...

God…oh!

Noel…

God, what do you want? I can't even...even fucking move right now. I can't...can't fucking...

Don't need to move...just give me your hand…

What? 

just...give me...give me your fucking hand...Ah…

Like that?

Yeah…not so...Yeah, yeah.

Let me…

No...just...Yeah...fuck. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. That's it. That's good. Yeah.

You never...never fucking shut up, do you? You fucking...

What?

Shh...I'll make you shut up…


End file.
